Yesterday I spent WAY TOO MUCH MONEY and ate a whole lot of really bad food. /: not even weighing myself for a few, too scared. ]:
but all the stuff I bought was completely worth it, so whatevers.
and I got drunk, by myself, last night. haha whatever I had fun!
well,
I’m at 182.0 now so that officially makes it 5 pounds in a week [:
I wanna go to the mall and buy me some new body jewelry. and also go to steak n shake.. hmm.. but do I want to compromise what I’ve worked so hard for..?
gonna look up calories now! I’ve only ate fruit so far today.. so, my slate is technically clean.
WHEN will I get to be THAT GIRL.
So back in October I started seeing this guy, right? He was so handsome, hilarious, we had everything in common (music, movies, humor, video games, everything), he was thoughtful, considerate, kind, and we just instantly clicked. I thought he was darn near perfect. So in a span of 2 weeks, I darn near fell for the guy. How could I not? He was telling me all the time how perfect/amazing/beautiful I am. That when he got back from the war he wanted me to move to TN with him, and he was going to take care of me, and all this other sweet “I can’t believe this is actually happening to ME” stuff.
Well, he was married. And the reason he was seeing me is because he was going to get a divorce because she cheated on him TWO TIMES while he was away training to be a solider. Like WHO can do that to a soldier? Especially one so sweet and handsome? Anyway, long story short, he decided he wanted HER back and things ended with me.
And so lately I’ve been seeing this other dude. He’s weird, funny, we like the same stuff, we instantly clicked, and I’ve been seeing him for about two weeks. And he’s had a thing for his best friend for like ever. And she likes him. But she said they could never be because their friendship is too wonderful to ruin. And that makes sense. Well he basically asked me to be his girlfriend two days ago. I said, “Yeah but I want you to have a job first.” and then yesterday he told his BFF about me. Then she confessed she wanted to actually be with him. And now he’s ditching me for her.
WHY AM I NEVER THE GIRL THEY WANT TO BE WITH SO BADLY? I mean, damn. What about me is so flawed that I’m never that girl? I think I’m a pretty decent girlfriend..
I try my best to make YOU happy. I help you out as much as I can. I give a mean massage without you asking when you look tired/stressed. I cook for you. Do your laundry. Clean your house. I’m always DTF lol. I just don’t understand..?
And in my mind, it’s all because I’m fat. Well whatever, I won’t be forever. And it’s gonna suck to be YOU when I’m looking good and you’re all like, “…damn, I messed up.” [:
Also, 183 today. [: -4 since thursday. IT’LL BE 5 WITHIN A WEEK, PROMISE.
maybe I can be down.. 8 before the months up?!
-3 pounds since thursday!
and I had the most delicious dinner everrr.
wheat tortilla - 81 cals
morningstar grillers chicken patty - 80 cals
cheese - 100cals
sour cream - 30cals
guacamole- 50cals
black beans - 50cals
NOMOMOMOMOM.
and one serving of some steamers so.. 125cals.
I was higher today than planned with my breakfast and salad at lunch but its all healthy stuff so i don’t think it’ll hurt my diet too bad. so excited to weigh myself tomorrow!!
ALSO,
Thinspo is annoying, disgusting, and pathetic. I will never post it. And I really loathe looking at it. It’s SO unhealthy the weights a lot of girls want to be at it. Like really? You want an underweight BMI? I’d be happy with having a NORMAL one for ONCE in my entire life. I’ve always been big. ALWAYS. And I see girls who are like 5’4” and 130 pounds wanting to be so so thin. Why? Ick. You’re already perfect!
And what REALLY ticks me off is when I see these already nice bodies wanting to be thinner and I know that even if I get to their current weight of 130 or even less my body will never look good. I have skin issues, stretch marks EVERYWHERE, my boobs are NOT cute, I’m ridiculously hairy for a female, and it’s just sad. Even when I get then I won’t be able to show it off. FUCK.
Ahhh man,
When you’re used to eating burger king, mcdonalds, taco bell, and all that other terrible stuff anytime you want, it’s so hard to diet. But, I haven’t went over 1000 calories since I started, so yay me. And I forgot to weigh myself this morning /: but hopefully the scale will say 184 in the morning!
Also, I walked a poop ton at work today. Yay. Probably like three miles. So that’s good. I’m gonna start going to the gym and lifting weights. I really wanna strength and tone my arms and legs really badly. I know it will be impossible to tell cuz I’m all fat right now but might as well get started, yeah? And burn calories. :D
BUTSERIOUSLYIWOULDKILLSOMEONETOBEABLETOEATABURGERRIGHTNOW.
There’s also this guy at work who I think is so cute. He’s a chubby dude (my fav) and just real sweet. He even talked to me today, kind of. And smiled. hmm..
My Diet Rules
Don’t tell me to change anything, I won’t. Unless of course it’s going to help me lose weight. Then I should consider it. I did this last year and it worked, there were no bad side effects, so here it is.
1. 700 cals a day.
2. At least 1 stacker.
3. No eating after 7.
4. No fast food, candy, sugar, soda etc.
5. Exercise at least once a week.
6. No vending.
7. Write down everything.
8. Weigh in Wednesdays.
Now I know I should exercise more, and I probably will later. But as of now I work 10 hours a day and don’t want to think about exercise on my off days.
Introduction!
I started this blog in July of ‘10 hoping to lose 8 pounds or so a month until I got down to my UGW of 100 pounds. I was trying to lose 100lbs in 1 year. Sadly, this did not happen and I am still quite heavy and no where near that number. I gave up because I started dating. Well now I’m back, I’m more serious than ever, and I’m GOING to do this.
SW: 200lbs / 7-1-2010
LW: 167lbs / 10-1-2010
I lost 33 pounds in 3 months and it was amazing.
SW: 187lbs - 5-19-2010
According to losertown I should be at 100 pounds by 5-12-2012. let’s see?
